are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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