toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
