Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
