I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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