Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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