so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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