What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize