I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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