Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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