Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
