I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
