Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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