Sponge bath it is.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
