my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
we should paint friendship bongs
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