dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
