I'm jealous of your bromance
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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