Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
