Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
