I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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