you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
