I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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