hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
