She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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