This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
