you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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