If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
