I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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