She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
should my penis look like a turkey
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
