I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
