DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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