I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
