I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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