Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
