I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
