I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
