I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
