Porn is love you can see.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
