I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
