Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
