please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
