I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
