wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
