Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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