We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
