ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
