i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
