So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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