i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she smelled like a LAN party
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
