I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
