sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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