capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
