FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize