y did u give ur computer a hand job?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
