do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
