Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
