I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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