I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
so much tequila, so little girl.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
