What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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