I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
