When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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