He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
