Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
