theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
