I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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