Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
