i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
