I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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