This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize