I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
