there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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