im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
