I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
