pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
