I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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