Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Sorry my hands just texted you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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