But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
