You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
